Life In The City

Faithfulness?

2008-06-25T00:52:00.003-04:00

Why am I shocked that my heart is evil and clings to idols? What is it about us that causes us to think that we have it together? Or at least causes me to think that I do? Oh yeah, it goes back to the evil heart thing. I have found that with a little bit of work, I can isolate myself from stuggles fairly easily. If I choose I can be in relationships that are relatively stress free...relationships that don't reveal my own selfishness. If I work hard enough I can make people conform to the actions I expect from them...actions that only really accomplish my comfort not real holiness in their lives. I can control my environment, and in doing so I can hide from my own sin and desperate need for the Lord.

Or I can choose to throw myself over the edge of the cliff - anchored only in to the Rock Of Christ...but in doing so, I give up control - of my environment, the people around me, and most of all my ability to think that I really have something to offer. Sometimes I find that the Lord in His faithfulness (not working out the way we usually like to think of) will give me a little nudge in over that edge...showing me how desperately I still try to hold onto to myself and my own walls.

This last week the Lord practiced that faithfulness in my life - as day after day I interacted with a few students who made me very aware of how little control I have and how strong my sin nature is. I have wrestled through the idea of Gods grace abounding all the more where sin abounds...praying that I would be the fountain pouring out grace where sin abounds. I have desperately tried to remember that the Lord is not only the giver of gifts but ultimately he is the one who takes gifts away - and He sometimes does that through the means of people practicing evil against me. I have had to remember that my trust should not be placed on human beings fulfilling my expectations but in a God who sometimes acts in ways I don't understand. I have wrestled with my own sense of entitlement - wanting my rights (to comfort and no conflict) to be upheld, I have struggled with my grasping of what is comfortable to me. This brand of faithfulness if the Lors is a dangerous brand of faithfulness but I wouldn't live with out it.

Crazy Week

2008-05-06T12:12:00.003-04:00

So this last week has been a bit chaotic....let me give you the bullet points.

We had a huge talent show fundraiser event. Our 30 students cooked, served, performed, greeted, etc. It was awesome. The day started off a little crazy though. As we were gathering to head out to the talent show we had three fights to break up...one of them was pretty crazy including beer bottles, bricks and 2x4's. That may sound a bit crazy...but when you know the kids you see all the junk going on inside that makes them like a live wire.

Between me and one of my interns we have gotten pulled over 5 times in the last week...everything from a headlight being out, to why are you white and driving around in this neighborhood, to why are you sitting here in this car talking to this kid. It's been crazy. One of the times when our intern got pulled over (for the headlight) the police decided it was necessary to search the van from top to bottom..."because it might have drugs in it"...I really do appreciate our officers, but it has gotten a bit annoying.

Our executive director (well his wife actually) had a baby...the day of the talent show actually. It's their first. They are very excited.

One of our girls is moved in with my sister and I - for an indefinate period of time. We are becoming mom's - sort of. She is 15 so not a little kid but will need quite a bit of intensive intervention. She is coming with the clothes on her back and that is about it. Pray for us!

All in a days work...

2008-04-03T18:07:00.003-04:00

Tywanda (one of our students) walked out of Bible Study one night to be greeted by flying fists. Another girl who we have recently become very aquainted with had a beef with her and decided that fighting Tywanda would be the best way to solve it.

If you remember high school you know the way the energy level increases exponentially when a fight occurs. Several of us entered the fray to break up the fight. As Jason (one our team members was trying to hold one of the girls back) he broke his shoulder blade! Yes! his shoulder blade. The Dr.s were stunned that he had incurred this kind of injury in those circumstances.

So he has about six weeks of no anything...no working, no driving, no walking...just kidding...he can walk but that's about it.

Awesome Provision!!

2008-03-21T16:09:00.003-04:00

Bursting at the seems is how I have often described our Thursday night Bible study. Kids have been practically right on top of each other...not such a great dynamic with all those raging hormones. :/

Last night was our second week with a little elbow room. This is not because kids have stopped coming - just the opposite has been true. We have been given permission to use a building 1 BLOCK from our ministry house...and we get to use it for virtually free.

It belongs to another group who are very interested in the community but who are not able to do much themselves for the community. They are eager to partner with anyone who is trying to make a positive impact.

We breaking it in with Thursday nights and are looking forward to many other possibilities in the future. While it isn't a long-term solution, it is a well-timed answer to prayer!

Settling In - Upcoming Stuff

2008-03-04T11:56:00.002-05:00

Now that title could win some awards for creativity. :)

Andrae and Lone have been here for a month now. Their house is coming together and they are starting to feel a little more at home. Andrae has been a fun partner in ministry because he dreams big ideas too...it is very fun to have someone to bounce off of who won't feel overwhelmed. His wife is fantastic as well. I can't wait to spend more time with her.

We are having an open house for 2nd Mile this weekend. I can't wait. I love connecting people I love with other things and people I love. Does that make sense? I am excited to have a bunch of people from my church have more of a chance to meet and connect with my community and the ministry my life is poured out into.

My sister and I are planning on moving soon. We are waiting for some details to line up. If you want to pray for us - please pray for that...our current residence continues to be a great habitation for mold, mice and cock roaches. My sister can't wait to have a room to sleep in again (her whole bedroom is still strewn about our entire house). We both can't wait to have a home again...

More than ever before, I am looking forward with great anticipation to what God might be doing in the months ahead. Hopefully I will do a good job at keeping you in touch with all God is doing.

Busy Month

2008-01-23T16:29:00.000-05:00

Starting from the middle of December and ending at the end of this month I will have gone from Jacksonville to Orlando to Jacksonville to New Orleans to Jacksonville to Miami to Jacksonville to Charlotte to Greenville to Atanta to Jacksonville to Tampa and finally back to Jacksonville.

In the midst of it all I have dealt with 3 break-ins, several family crisis situations, moving an office, end of the year business details, homework, trying to facilitate the beginning of a website, discipling girls, @ the beginning planning of our distict conference which is a little over a month away among a few other things... Oh yeah and in there somewhere was Christmas and New Years! :)

Hopefully this isn't indicative of the year ahead! :)

Learning From My Mistakes

2008-01-16T17:31:00.001-05:00

I have learned that it is very important to have serial numbers for items which you may want to recover if they are ever stolen. Well God has blessed me incredibly with a new laptop and an external hardrive (this is the provision that helps with the backing data up lesson that I learned) and I will absolutely be keeping and filing my serial numbers!! :) I may be a slow learner but I do eventually learn! :)

Holding Loosely

2008-01-10T17:09:00.000-05:00

Our ministry house has been broken into three times in the last two weeks. This makes a cumulative of eight break-ins total between that house and my own over the last two years. It also means tens of thousands of dollars worth of "things" that the Lord has chosen to take away just as He was the one who gave them. It makes me very aware of how much I come to depend on things...like laptops :) in my life. It helps me to appreciate the gifts when I receive them from the Lord. It teaches me that I need to back up my information. :) I have been praying that my heart would continue to be gentle and loving toward whoever it is that is in such a situation that they feel desperate enough to repeatedly break-in to our house.

BIG NEWS!!!

2007-11-13T23:19:00.000-05:00

God had provided our team with an Executive Director! We have been praying for this moment for over 4 years now!! Andrae Robinson will start as of January 1st. However, he and his wife Lone (pronounced Luna) will not move out to J'ville until near the end of January. They are joining us from California! Andrae grew up in California while his wife grew up in Denmark. They met in an orphanage in Honduras. We are excited about the huge ways they will contribute to our team. Their giftings and personalities will mesh well with ours while filling much needed gaps!

Tacoma/Seattle

2007-10-31T19:45:00.000-04:00

I just spent 3 1/2 glorious days in Washington State. I spent time with incredible friends, hiked in crisp, chilly weather, took in the brilliant fall colors, went to one of the largest REI's in the nation and toured two beautiful cities! What a wonderfully refreshing little retreat!!

What was that rainbow thing again?

2007-10-09T23:17:00.000-04:00

I think God said that He set the rainbow in the sky as a covenant that He would never flood the earth again like He did in the days of Noah. By the end of 2 weeks of straight rain, I was starting to wonder if He had changed His mind. No, I wasn't in an ark floating, but the carpet in my sisters room was floating on top of the ankle deep water that filled her room.

300 gallons of water later...her floor is finally starting to dry. I would have taken pictures but I don't think she was in the mood. :)

Unfortunately, Sophia's flooded room was not the only thing ailing us at our house the last couple weeks. The roof was also leaking, our thermostat stopped working (not a good situation in an already hot and very wet environment) and we have an animal decomposing in the wall next to my room...yummy!!

The adventure continues....

One Tired Girl

2007-10-02T15:51:00.000-04:00

So this year I took the plunge and decided to bring a student to school. Thomas is so gifted and talented - with the ability to do anything but he is not always very motivated...so I decided I would encourage him to be motivated by picking him up. This meant waking up at 6:45 a.m. and generally getting back to sleep by a little after 7a.m.

Well then Veronica -(I don't have any pictures of her) asked if I could pick her up as well. She lives near Thomas and is going to the same school. That seemed like a good idea because I really want to make in-roads into her family. This meant waking up at 6:40 a.m. and still getting back to sleep a little after 7 a.m.

Then I was talking to Amp (Thomas' brother) and found out that his bus stop is on the way to Thomas' school but it would be a 2-mile walk for Amp every morning to get there. The bus picks him up just a little earlier than the other two need to get to school so that means getting up at 6:30 a.m and getting back to sleep a little after 7:00 a.m.

Are you noticing the trend? The time is getting earlier and earlier...

Then...AJ has been having trouble at home and has been staying at Thomas' house. His school is 3 miles away. A bit of a walk to say the least. This didn't change my getting up time, however, it is 3 miles in the opposite direction...so now I'm getting home at 7:30.

Well then...AJ has been having trouble at home and has been staying at Thomas' house. His school is 3 miles away. A bit of a walk to say the least. This didn't change my getting up time, however, it is 3 miles in the opposite direction...so now I'm getting home at 7:30.

I think the word must have been spreading that Miss Ruth is a taxi driver because I got to Thomas' house one morning and 6 boys came piling out of the house...all going to different schools. Now not only does that mean I am up longer and longer...but 6 boys and one girl (Veronica) don't all fit very well in my little Corolla...so you guessed it...I had to make two trips. Not arriving home until almost 8 a.m.

This definitely does not happen every morning...but occasionally I am greeted with some kind of surprise like this when I get to Thomas' house at 6:40 in the morning. And let me tell you this tired girl often turns into one yucky, grouchy girl when I am met with all these unexpected surprises that are cutting into my sleep.

I could say that I am just tired and excuse my grouchi-ness away as a result of that...or the fact that I am caught unexpectedly off-guard or the fact that these kids are only thinking of themselves and will most likely not even be grateful (like most teenagers)...I'm sure I could explain it away on a lot of levels if I tried hard enough but really it just reveals my selfish, impatient, sinful nature which resides at the core of who I am. Under the right conditions I am an evil beast in my responses. This has not been pretty.

Anyway, I would love your prayers that God would deal with my sinful, impatient self in such a way that allows me to deal with grace, gentleness and perseverance with my kiddos.

On a side note...I know most people in the human world are up at 6:30 or earlier on a regular basis but unfortunately, I work late often not getting to sleep until at least midnight and if you know me well you know that I need a whopping 9 hours of sleep. I know that is sickening but I think God made me that way on purpose.

Face Book

2007-09-04T13:30:00.000-04:00

I just recently joined the millions who are addicted (I mean connected) to facebook. If you have an account...find me! :)

What Will We Do Without Him?

2007-09-04T13:10:00.000-04:00

Cecil Smart (one of our team members who has a bit farther of a commute) was able to spend five weeks with us in J'ville this summer. He recently headed back up to Sterling University in Kansas where he is pursuing a youth ministry and exercise science degree.

What does one have to do with the other you may ask? Coaching is a fabulous way to connect with kids....an excercise science degree is an excellent way to connect with coaching!

While here, he fit right into the team as though he has been here all along. He helped lead a mission trip to New Orleans, led our weekly youth nights, hung out with kids - including often letting them spend the night, got students immunized, physicals, registered for school, onto football teams...the list goes on.

But more than the things he does...who he is was a huge asset to us and our neighborhood. He has an uncanny ability to relate to students and speak truth into their lives. He is a great leader who takes initiative as he lives out the gospel while living among the students all day, every day.
We are so excited about the partnership we are developing with him and can't wait to see how God will continue to lead all of us in the next couple of years.

Involved in the mess

2007-08-20T11:00:00.000-04:00

In his book, God in the Alley, Greg Paul describes the journey he has been on as he learns what it means to be and see Jesus in a broken world. Over and over again, he is challenged - and challenging us as Christians to get outside the safe confines of our own comfortability, our own walls that we've erected and to truly engage in the messiness of others lives.

He says, "This kind of active, fully engaged presence requires tremendous discipline....How do I practice this presence among people who are, much of the time, engaged in activites in which I can't - don't want to - participate? When I think of trying to be the presence o fo Christ in this fashion, it no longer seems benign and faintly condescending. Instead, it seems risky, uncomfortable, humbling. Giving money to some panhandler is something I know I can manage; it can even make me feel good about myself. But embracing him as a brother, literally putting my arms around his smelly, drunken, psychotic, and possibly bug-ridden person, grappling with the concept that he, too, is beloved of God, precious, and made in his image - well, this provides an unnerving peek into my own soul."

I read this book with great resonation. This is what Christ really calls me to. Not some glossed over, show me what I want to see kind of engagement but getting involved with peoples lives on a gut wrenching soul level. All these concepts look good on the pages of a book...but how do they look in the midst of real life? My real life...

This is what I have been faced with over and over again this summer. As I am involved with students lives whose anger and hurt goes so deep that they are just as likely to curse me out as they are to hug me. As I am faced with brokeness and tragedy in students lives that ranges from physical, sexual and emotional abuse. As I see the way that has shaped a mindset that causes those very same kids to not value their own bodies and lives.

There are a hundred pat answers I grew up learning in Sunday school and yet those answers seem to fall short when faced with the multi-layered web of pain, anger, demoralization and sin.

The questions have rung over and over in my head..."did I really mean it when I said that I really wanted to know you?" "did I really mean it when I said that I wanted the real you?" "did I really mean it when I said I wanted to be involved in your life - even with all of its disappointments and disgustingness?"

The answer - yes, I think I do, but Lord, I feel helpless and am desperate for you to walk with me each step of the way as I venture in - past the pretty stuff into the reality of peoples lives.

A Summer of Firsts

2007-08-06T13:09:00.001-04:00

While it wasn't the first time I brought a youth group to New Orleans on a summer mission trip, it was the first time that I attempted to bring a combined group from 2 very different youth groups - merging them into one united team to be a blessing to the people of New Orleans. Our group of students was made up of 8 students from a upper middle class, suburban church and 12 students from a lower income, urban youth group.

It was also the first time Urban Impact (the inner city ministry we went to) had ever had inner city youth come to them for a National Project Week.

There were lots of challenges. Many of my students from the city have only recently committed their lives to Christ...so in a way they were just a step ahead of many of the kids we interacted with in New Orleans.

However, they added a dynamic that brought life, energy and excitement to the week. I believe the week was a week of incredible growth and formation (beyond what anyone could even articulate at this point) for every person involved - not just the people from our group but the participants from other groups, the staff at Urban Impact and the people of New Orleans. We got to see a glimpse of God's glory in a way that we never had. Though it was perhaps the hardest trip I've ever led (revealing many of my own weaknesses) it was the best. Check out all the pix below!!

Me and my boy Dingo...although, now he is all grown up! This is his 2nd summer as an intern with Urban Impact. He will graduate from college next year and hopes to be a youth pastor!

A bunch of our kids excitedly awaiting their day ahead. :)

Some of the guys wrestling

One afternoon it rained and rained and rained....

So we played....

and played....

and played...

Sarah and I - happy to be home in our hood

Bradley - thinking he's a model or something! :)

Dani working hard gutting a house

You can't go to Cafe du' monde and not have a powdered sugar fight!

Bodai painting the walls of a school library

Our whole group at the end of the week. We were all feeling a bit crazy by then.

I love this picture of Tywanda and AJ

The boys just playin' around

Of course we had to get a flat at the worst possible time. :)

Great time in the morning with the Lord

Our First Mission Team

2007-07-30T18:04:00.000-04:00

We had our first ever Jax mission week from July 15-20th. A group from Princeton, ILL came down to partner with us in the city. They were such a blessing as they worked hard, played hard and left their fingerprints on the lives of those in our neighborhood.

They did many things...among which was painting the laundry room and bathroom at the Collin's house.

Curtis & Jessica Odell led the team...

Friends in Ministry

2007-07-09T14:07:00.000-04:00

Marc Nettleton (pictured far right) has been a great gift to our team from the Lord. He is a college student from Madison, WI who is interning with us this summer. He has played ball with kids at the park, tutored kids in math and reading skills, discipled kids through Bible studies, and helped chaperone trips. But perhaps most importantly he has been available at our ministry house at all hours of the day for students to come hang out with. There they find a safe, stable environment which minimizes opportunity to get in trouble. Through this life-on-life relationship, he is possibly discipling them more than through any Bible Study (though those are important too!) :)

Jermaine Reynolds (just left of Marc) is a fun friend we met at KAA. He is a leader in a ministry down in Orlando, FL. He may just come and visit us in J'ville one of these days.

Continuing left...MaryAnn & Jason Foster (for those of you who may not recognize them) are permanent ministry partners with 2nd Mile Minisistries.

National Conference

2007-06-30T14:33:00.000-04:00

I just finished up at our EFCA (Evangelical Free Church of America) national conference. Leaders from all over America gather together for networking, equipping, resourcing, & to get a little business done. It was an incredible couple of days for us. At the conference 2nd Mile was given the "Courage Award" for:

taking the path others have not and never losing sight of the dream.
standing together and making tough decisions, all to meet the needs of others.
holding onto unchanging principles while pursuing an ever changing path.

Incredible! We are all so humbled and feel incredibly unworthy and blessed at the same time.

I'm Trying

2007-06-20T12:49:00.001-04:00

I will try to do much better at keeping this blog updated...especially since I know at least 1 person reads it. :) I am setting a goal of updating it weekly...that might be a little ambitious but I will try! I also will attempt to get some pix up on the blog...to break up the monotony and to give you a visual window into my world! :)

8 Days at KAA

2007-06-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

I recently returned from Kids Across America with 34 students from my neighborhood.

This camp is incredible. The facilities are great, the programming is excellent, and the staff are top of the line! Not only did the Lord accomplish alot in our kids lives - several gave their lives to the Lord for the first time, others were challenged about reconciliation in relationships, forgiveness and living their lives to please Christ not their friends - it was a wonderful rest for me from the battle that seems to be raging all around me.

The Lord brought me face to face with some of the things I had been "too busy" to think about and started the process of healing the hurt I have felt towards Him from him not meeting some of the expectations I have of Him. I realized through a game of spades (spades is a very spiritual game) :) how hard it is for me to trust someone when they don't make the decisions I am expecting or think they should make. So if you ever see me doing that...feel free to call me on it! :)

26 hours in a bus with 39 others (including other leaders) can be a very bonding experience. :) I returned home at 3:00 am only to re-awaken for a full day of class at 7:30 the same morning. It was a fantastic experience let me tell you! :) If I wasn't the ONLY student in the class, I might have stayed home...but since the professor flew in from South Hamilton just to teach me, I thought it might be important to roll out of bed and get to class. :)

Our whole group on our way home at our favorite eating establishment. None other than Micky D's.

Jason, MaryAnn, Cecil and myself. Cecil is a counselor at KAA this summer. He has been very connected with our kids...keeping in touch with many of them outside of camp. He is going to spend a month of his summer break hanging out with us in Jax (right after he leaves KAA).

Our fearless leaders!

The students loved spending time at the pool!

Our High School kids representin' their locker (cabin) numbers.

Yes, I'm Sure!

2007-03-08T12:51:00.000-05:00

My sister and I have become the mom's/aunties of 2 puppies. Pitbull puppies to be exact. They are very cute. As soon as I remember to bring the digital camera in, I will put a pic up for you to see. We have gotten alot of questions to the affect of: "Are you sure you want to do that? Pitbulls are mean. You aren't safe."

Funny thing is - that was very similar to my dialogue with people when I decided to move into the inner city. "Are you sure you want to do that? There is a lot of crime. You aren't safe."

People often expressing fears based on our oh so reliable source of the money driven, sensationalistic media...not too much from real life experience.

Besides safety is relative...and a little bit boring. While it can be scary getting too near the edge of the cliff, the view is breathtaking, the feeling is exhilerating...I feel like I am really living. What was the famous brave heart quote? Every (wo)man dies but not every (wo)man truly lives... :)

I want to live today in a way that will make eternity just as breathtaking and exhilerating!

Regardless of whether the claims of unsafety are true or not (which I truly believe most of them aren't)...God hasn't promised me safety...not in this life anyway.

And so I respond with much confidence, "Yes, I'm sure!" :)